Dear C.G. ,

It’s been a long time but I’m happy to see that your having a blast as a father and a husband to your beautiful family. I kinda envy you for that. Which makes me think sometimes, what could have been if we didn’t broke up. What if we were like our highschool friends who were also couple during our time and in turn ended up married?

I can still remember the first time I saw you. You were the tallest and one of the coolest boy in highschool. What can I say, you were handsome and the star player of the basketball team! And me, I was just a shy boyish girl who doesn’t care much on how I look. But when you told your friends that I was your crush when we were in first year, I can’t help but blush and be surprised! Why me? There were so many hot girls who has a crush on you.

That time I really don’t know how to take that “crush” thing. I was just too innocent. So I tried to avoid you in school, though it’s a bit impossible because we were in the same section. And I think you kinda feel that I was avoiding you, but you were unbelievably persistent. You would even bribe the person next to me to exchange seat with you so you can personally hand over your love letters to me.

I recall the time when we had our Acquaintance party in school. I was sitting next to my friends, and you just went straight to me and ask me if you could take me for a dance. I was blushing. I couldn’t even look at you. I was really thinking to say no but my friends just pushed me right to you! So we danced! And gosh we were dancing together the whole night. You never let go of me ever since we were in the dance floor. And though the music was so loud, I can clearly hear your voice as you whisper in my ears — you said that I was beautiful and that you really like me. I’m like in cloud 9!

Unfortunately like Cinderella, I had to go home by 12mn — well, I was really forced to, I was being paged by my older siblings. How humiliating is that? ” Paging Paloma, hinahanap napo kayo ng ate at kuya nyo! Uwi na daw po kayo!”  hahaha, wow na wow!  But you never laughed like everyone else did. Instead you escorted  me to the exit door so I can meet with my siblings. That was just so sweet of you.

That school year ended but I still haven’t answered your question to me — “If I like you too? ” You were just too desperate to know my answer. And me, I’m just too shy to say it. But I really really like you. The funny thing about me is that I realized that I usually act oppositely to what I really feel, which by the way is still happening even in my age now. And that made you confuse of what I really feel about you.

That summer, you were determined to finally get your answer. I was surprised that you even went to our house to ask me again. You were like a soldier ready for battle — having your best friend and cousin joined forces to convince me to finally give my answer.

Oh how I wanted to say  “yes” that time but I was just too afraid that my dad would be arriving soon from work and he will see that I was talking with boys. So I had to tell you to meet me in school during class card giving.

So the day came, I went to school to get my class card. I thought I can get away from you that day, but you were just so early in school. You were with your bestfriend, when you caught me. Since I made a promise, I can’t do anything but follow you inside our classroom. And when we got in, you asked me the same question. I was so nervous that time. But your bestfriend kept saying that there’s totally nothing wrong in saying what I truly feel. And you, you were standing infront of me; we were like 3 inches apart as you look me in the face. I just couldn’t move that time. There was a complete silence inside the room when your bestfriend left us. The only sound I heard is my heartbeat.

And finally after a moment of silence,  I looked at you in the eyes and said, I like you too!

You were so happy but I was too uncomfortable back then. I thought it was over, but you asked me again another thing. “If you can kiss me? ”  That made me really pale. I just don’t know what to say. I really wanted to go home but it seems that you will not let me until I say yes. So even if I really don’t like the idea, I remembered saying in a small voice ” yes”.  After that, you were so quick to held me by the waist in one hand and hold my head, pulling it closer to you as you pressed your lips against mine. OH BOY! That was really something. I couldn’t forget that! I was like electrified but in good way. I didn’t even noticed that my eyes were closed when you kissed me.

It was my first kiss, and yes, it was with you!  🙂

We became an item in school since then — young sweethearts. And me, I started to be more conscious about how I look and began to be more active in extracurricular activities apart from academics. People in the school started to notice what you’ve seen in me the whole time. And you didn’t like it. You always get jealous when you find out that there are other boys especially senior ones, who has a crush on me.

I was getting popular and popular in our school, and I was always considered in joining pageants in our school activities. Because of that you became more jealous, which drove to several arguments. It that made our relationship like christmas lights, on and off. And whenever we broke up back then, you get angry when you find out that someone’s courting me. You would just make your way to make sure we get back together. And because of that, the more I’m in love with you!

But I think I really broke your heart when I ended up our relationship during our 3rd anniversary. You were with your bestfriend and you both visited me in our house and brought roses and the card and chocolates you asked your mom to send to you from Europe. I remembered you even told me that your parents knew about me and that they are the one sending these gifts so you can give it to me. I really like the card you gave me. It plays music whenever I open it. It was kinda rare during our time. But I had a break up letter prepared instead of a card. I made that, because my stepmom told me to break up with you, otherwise, I might end up pregnant at an early age. Though, we haven’t really done anything as such. All we know was to kiss. But I was just too afraid of what my stepmom told me. So I did it. I made that letter to break up with you.

I saw tears rolled down in your cheeks when you read the letter. You never said any word. You stood up and left our house with your bestfriend. I tried to follow you to see how you were doing, but I saw your bestfriend laughing at you as you brush off the tears in your face. I was crashed that time. How I wish I could have not done it. After that, we never got back together. I was too shy to make an effort to get us back together, so I left everything to you. But you didn’t get it. Or probably you were hurt so much that’s why you didn’t dare to make your move like you always do. I really lost you that time.

And honestly, I still think of you until we were in college but there was really no chance for us to see each other again because we went to different schools, and I heard from a common friend that you left for Europe when we were in 3rd year.

Years passed, and the last time I heard you were single was when you and an old friend of ours were in a relationship. I remembered our friend, approaching me while I was in a bar having drinks with my college friends. She told me about you being her new boyfriend. And asked me if I was ok with that. How can I say no right? I was happy for both of you. Then your cousin told me that you got her pregnant and the rest was history.

What if I could have never gave you that letter? Could our relationship survived? Who knows right? But you know, I am glad that we crossed our paths back then. You taught me so many things and apart of it made me who I am now. And for that, I am grateful.

Thank you C.G.  and I wish you and your family the best of everything!

 

Your puppy love,

Paloma

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